


Wake-up Slap

by ZZ_Chikorita



Series: Jolly Rogers [2]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions, Pocket Monsters: Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon | Pokemon Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon Versions
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Flirting, Gen, Interrogation, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23366872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZZ_Chikorita/pseuds/ZZ_Chikorita
Summary: Moon drops in on Guzma to discuss some legal business.
Relationships: Guzma & Moon (Pokemon)
Series: Jolly Rogers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680463
Kudos: 33





	Wake-up Slap

**Author's Note:**

> Ch. 2

"Guzma..."  


Was that a voice he heard? Nah, it's still too early for the kids to be awake.  


"Guuuuzmaaaaa...."  


This time something small and light tapped his forehead and bounced to the floor.  
No way, he was way too tired to wake up. Was probably just the ceiling starting to cave in again. If he ignores it, it'll go away... or entomb him... whichever comes first...  


"Guzma! Wake up!"  


This time, he felt at least a dozen of the little things bombard his face. He jolted up right, swinging his fist instinctively.  


"Yo! Da fuck is this..." he spouted, his eyes still blurry from his comatose sleep.  
Slightly more awake now, he rubs them and sees a figure at the bottom of the tower near the door. A familiar face; that Moon girl.  


"Why the fuck you wake me up and what did you...?"  
He reached up and pulled a small object out of his hair. Realizing what it was, he glares at the girl and demands, "Did you throw fucking poké beans at me?!"  


"Dude, it's not like I could come up there and wake you up. You got a reputation of waking up punching, Z'Goose" she retorted.  


Guzma blew air from his nostrils like an angry tauros. 

"I told you not to call me that," he snorted.  


Moon shrugged her shoulders, "Hey, with that constant tough guy, pissed off attitude, it's really hard to tell a difference between you and a zangoose."  


He ignored her and opened his laptop, knowing he'd just get himself worked up if he said anything else.  


"It's 5:35 in the Tapu-fucking morning. What the ever loving fuck you want _haole?_ "1  


"Haole?!"  


Moon crossed her arms and cocked her hip, "Who you calling a haole Z'Goose? Have you seen yourself? You're as white as a litwick, like you haven't see the sun in months!"  


Guzma stood up defensively, his fists clenched despite knowing he would never strike the girl that has helped him so much in the past.  
But it was true, he was born with much less melanin than other native Alolans. It's not unheard of in Alola, especially in the colder regions, but he still got hazed a lot growing up because of it. As a result, it was always a sensitive subject.  


Realizing her mistake, Moon's expression softened. 

"Hey... that's not what I meant. I'm serious when I say that you look way paler than you normally do. You look UNWELL... almost downright emaciated!"  


The tension in Guzma's muscles faded and he plopped back down into the chair. Placing his elbow on the arm rest, he rested his cheek on the heel of his hand. He glanced at the computer screen, which had once again fallen to sleep, and saw his unusually pronounced cheek bones and baggy eyes. He quickly returned his gaze to Moon.  


"You haven't come through these parts in almost a year and suddenly you show up, wake me up, and start PISSIN' me off!"  
He pauses to inhale deeply.  
"Now I ain't gonna ask again.... What. Do. You. _Want_?"  


Moon stepped back to lean against the door frame.  


"Want me to cut to the chase? Fine. Nanu sent me here."  


Already disinterested, Guzma woke his laptop and began browsing social media.  


"What could that old man possibly want? Team Skull's gone clean. No more robbin', no more peace disruptin', or whatever the hell he calls it. We keep to ourselves in Po Town. That was the deal."  


Moon raised her eyes to where the boss sat on his makeshift thrown.  


"It's not about what the team's been doing. It's about what _you_ been doing." 

Guzma glanced over to her but quickly back to his screen.  


"And what might that mean?" he inquired.  


"Well... I don't know..." she admitted as she scratched the back of her head, "All I know is that Nanu thinks it's probably illegal and definitely in violation of the agreement. He sent me to try and 'resolve the issue' so he doesn't have to involve law enforcement'."  


Guzma's hand hovered unmoving above the track pad. He silently and calmly rose from his chair and sauntered down to Moon's level with hands in his pockets and sporting a convincing poker face. Although now on even footing with the younger girl, he still towered over her.  


"Look here you," he said, leaning down to meet her eye to eye, "There ain't nothing going on here. Plums been workin' that full time gig she's got. I've been doing temp jobs when they come up. We bought that generator so we could use our charjabugs to run our shit off the grid and use the rest of the dough for those stupid taxes and to feed and clothe the gang. That's it. End of story." 

He didn't break eye contact in an attempt to intimidate her but quickly realized that she kept on glancing downward... at his bare chest.  
The white haired manned smirked revealing equally white teeth.  


"What's wrong haole?" he teased, "You suddenly into dudes now?"  


Moon puffed out her red cheeks, shoved him away, and quipped, "You wish!" She chuckled, her cheeks still flushed. 

"I just couldn't help but notice you're not wearing you're necklace" she added impishly.  


Guzma reflexively slapped his hand to his chest and began looking around frantically before turning back and retorting, "It's a fucking chain, not a necklace!"  


Eventually he found where it, and his shades, had fallen down beside one of the many bits of furniture crammed in the room.  
He draped the metallic links around his neck, the large Team Skull emblem resting on his midchest, before turning to walk back up to his chair. But Moon wasn't finished yet.  


"I spoke to Wicke."  


Guzma paused mid step.  


Moon continued, "There's no way you can run this place on Plumeria's salary, even if you're doing temp jobs."  


Without turning around, Guzma stated plainly, "We're careful with the budget. We ration food. Every gets the bare essentials."  


There was a pause before Moon spoke up again, "I ran into a lot of the crew on my way up here. They all look real healthy. In fact..." she paused a moment, "you're the only one that looks like absolute trubbish and like they haven't seen a decent meal in days"

Guzma was silent and unnervingly still.  


"You're getting money from somewhere. Enough to make sure your brothers and sisters are not just surviving, but thriving."

The hunched boss still offered no input. 

"But, somehow, you've deteriorated in the process! You've lost at LEAST 40 lbs, your eyes are so sunken in, you don't need to wear eyeliner, and I'm never able to reach you anymore!"  


"..."  


"I come at any decent hour, you're too busy with the crew to have any kind of conversation or so passed out they won't let me anywhere near you. I come at midnight, you're nowhere to be found! I come at 3 am, you're _STILL_ nowhere to be found!"  


"Humph..." he grunted and turned slightly to rummage in the drawer of a cock-eyed bed side table. Eventually, he pulls out a joint and lights it, taking a long drag.  


"Tapu Koko!2 Now you're smoking again too? You just got clean off that shit, Z'Goose!" she criticized with hints of both concern and desperation in her voice, "Is that where the money's coming from? Are you dealing again?!"  


Guzma exhaled through his nose letting the smoke billow around him like a torkoal. In his more typical, cocky tone he responded, "No! I ain't dealing no more for Arc-sake! And this ain't no cig, it's that all natural shit3. Fairy-grass type leaves. Wanna toke?"  
He held his hand out to offer it to Moon. She just raised her eye brow at him until he eventually shrugged and reeled in his arm, taking another puff.  
"Besides, this ain't even mine. I confiscated it off one of the grunts. You always be tellin' me not to let things go to waste, eh?"

Moon rolled her eyes at him while he took another drag. 

After a moment of awkward silence Moon spoke up, "Hey... so... if working with Looker has taught me anything it's that if you're trying to figure out something that doesn't want to be figured out you gotta... well... look."  


Guzma now raised his eyebrow, "I bet that sounded a lot less stupid in yo head," he scoffed, his joint bobbing up and down as he spoke.

Moon puffed out her, once again, flushed cheeks. 

"What I mean is you gotta be vigilant, watch carefully, and make observations... and I...." she paused and scratched the back of her head, "I have made some observations."  


Feeling amused (and probably against his better judgement, which was currently and actively being compromised) he obliged her, "Oh yeah? And what might that be Detective haole?"  


"Well...." she paused to gather her thoughts, "You are obviously bringing in more money than you say you are.... and you're gone all hours of the night... not to mention Hala says you haven't shown up for sumo practice in at least three months..."  


Still amused, Guzma sat down on one of the steps, leaning back with his forearms resting on the step above. He motioned lazily with his hand toward Moon as if to say 'proceed'.  


She tried to ignore his blatant arrogance to the situation and continued, "When you're going out, you're not wearing any of your Team Skull regalia..." She gestured to the tank he had thrown to the side earlier.  
"You got home sometime between 3am, when I stopped by, and now. There's absolutely no way that jacket and pants would have dried by now-"  


"So what?" he interrupted, "So I didn't want to get my good shit wet. Is that a crime now little miss detective?"  


"No, but that doesn't explain why you weren't wearing your chain."  
Her tone was serious now; Guzma began to sweat just a little.  
"All these years we've known each other, I've _never_ seen you take that thing off. Not once. I've seen you swim in the ocean with it on for Arc-sake!"  


"S-so? What's your point?" he stammered.  


"So... it means whatever you're doing, you _really_ don't want it to be linked back to the Team."  
She began pacing back and forth across the room.  
"For the sake of the argument, I'll just take you at your word that you're not dealing. So what else could you possibly be doing?"

Guzma said nothing.  


"Definitely not just petty theft. You're not exactly a stealth criminal."  


This time he pursed his lips and nodded in agreement. She's right; just by nature of his stature, he was never great at sneaking around. He was more of a bust in, take the money, and run kind of guy.  


"But there's something else..."  
She turned to look at Guzma.  
"With your 'totally legit not illegal cash', you've been feeding your crew really well. There's no way that there's not enough to feed yourself, yet you're sitting here looking like you haven't eaten in weeks."

Guzma was silent once more. Moon slowly walked towards him.  


"So perhaps the whole sleep deprivation and stress shit could cause some of it but... perhaps a good portion of it could be due to an... _intentional_ weight loss?"  


"Tch!"  
He rolled his eyes and countered, "Do you even know me? Since when do I give a shit about something like that?"  


"Since it would allow you to make a greater profit!"  


Right at the finish of her sentence, he had tried to take a drag but started into a coughing fit. Meanwhile, the joint had fallen out of his jaws and between the cracks of the stacks of furniture.  


As he hacked, he stared daggers back at Moon.  
"Ack!!! What _*cough*_ the fuck are you _*more coughing*_ are you tryna say haole?"  


Moon waited a moment so he could catch his breath before leaning down to be eye level with him.  


"Guzma."  
Her voice was cold and serious, but had a hint of genuine concern that immediately went way over his pale little head, "Are you..."  
She paused and looked around, as if just to make sure they were completely alone.  


**"Are you... hooking?"**

**Author's Note:**

> Footnotes:  
> 1\. Haole (pronounce 'Howl-ee'): a Hawaiian word that is used in reference to non-native people (particularly white folk). Moon is canonically born and raised in the Kanto region, thus he calls her a haoleSince the Alola region is based off of Hawaii, I decided to try to incorporate some Hawaiian culture and language into this version of the universe
> 
> 2\. Tapu Koko: the deity of Mele island (the island Moon has lived on for the past few years). I use it as a replacement for 'Jesus Christ'
> 
> 3\. In this universe, tabbacco exists but marijuana does not. Why? I dunno. But plenty of other crazy ass shit does!
> 
> Other notes: As I continue this series I assure you that I still haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing. I welcome your input and feedback.


End file.
